I had a wonderful birthday Friday. My mom picked us up that morning and took us to the East Side for a little shopping and lunch. We all enjoyed ourselves, especially Nicholas who got to be with his “best friend”.



My mom and I did make a very interesting observation Friday at the bookstore. We were trying to kill time before we went to lunch, so we decided to look at some children’s books. This bookstore had a train table and a kitchen. Nicholas quickly made a friend or two and started playing. About 10-15 minutes after we got there, and employee started story time. Nicholas quickly sat down to listen. Just as quickly as he sat down he got right back up. Months ago I had tried to take him to story time at the library, but he wasn’t ready to sit. Friday’s story time told me that it probably has more to do with his age and gender than anything else. No one listened to this lady read the books. They all continued to play. And, they were all boys, ages 2-3. From my experience, boys at this age (and even older) need to move. At least, I feel better about our past experience at the library now.

On Saturday we continued the celebration. We had brunch with my parents followed by ice cream cake a few hours later. It was fun to hear Nicholas start to sing along to “Happy Birthday” now. He sat on my lap, but let me blow out my own candles. I was kind of surprised. He did enjoy eating the cake though.

I have minimal eye makeup on that day. It was my first time wearing contacts again after having a stye in my eye most of that week.



I'm not afraid to show my age. At least, I don't look it!





Sunday was our last membership class at church. It was nice having dinner with the same people every Sunday, but I will be happy to have Nicholas on his regular sleeping schedule. He has made some of his own friends now in class. He was happily chasing and was chased by one little girl in particular. Supposedly, they’re best friends now (Sorry, Mom). Her dad was already talking arranged marriage. Ha ha.

Finally, I’m going to leave you with some pictures from the park from this weekend. Nicholas was more than happy to pose for the camera.







He’s not the only one who can strike a pose though!

Re-Learning Lessons

Life with one car can be difficult sometimes. Evan recently started working an hour earlier, so that will limit how many times I drive him to work. I really don’t want to get Nicholas up at 6:00 if it isn’t necessary. With that said, Nicholas and I don’t have a lot of options on what to do. We go on one or two walks a day. We’ll play outside if the weather isn’t too hot, or if he actually wants to swim in his little pool. But, we get bored sometimes. So, this afternoon we ventured out a little and walked to a shopping center five minutes from our house. We’ve never gone before because there was never a reason to go there. Other than a pizza place, there is nothing for us. But, a local organization that has a reading program for adults opened up a bookstore there, so Nicholas and I went and checked it out.

For one dollar Nicholas was able to purchase four books. They’re all used and donated books, so you have to pick through them. We did find some decent ones though. When we were finished looking Nicholas paid for them all by his self. The lady asked me if I wanted a receipt, but before I could answer Nicholas chimed in, “Yes”. He held his books and his receipt in his hands the entire ride home (I pushed him in the stroller). I’m happy to know that once or twice a month we can head over there and check out their selection.



Life has been difficult lately. I have a feeling some of it has to do with my attitude. At Bible study on Tuesday we were asked to go around the room and mention a prayer request for our self. I told them that I struggle with trusting God when things don’t seem logical. The leader of the group pulled no punches and said to me, “Basically, you’re saying that you want to be in control.” I think she has me pegged. Evan’s had a job offer, an interview, and a second interview request in the last couple of weeks. It would seem like everything is looking up, but the salaries that these places are offering are not what we were expecting. They are better than what he is making now and I guess that’s a plus, but still . . .

So, I’ve made myself nuts doing calculations and sending myself into a financial tornado of doom. I’m sure that doesn’t help Evan make a decision. He’s already turned down one job – way too much travel using our one and only personal vehicle. The job interview yesterday is for a job that he thinks he would enjoy and it has benefits after 30 days (That would mean our COBRA expense would be gone). The second interview request is something he’s not gung-ho about anymore, but he may schedule the interview anyway.

Evan has never been a job hopper. He was at his last job for ten years, so the idea of hopping from one job to another even to make more money is hard for him. He’s loyal. He doesn’t like to change once he gets comfortable. We’ve discussed all the options and he knows what I like and don’t like, but ultimately, he will make the final decision.

I have a decision to make too and it isn’t going to be easy. I’m going to have to give up my plans and ask God to be in control. Why does this seem to be the story of my life? It’s funny how God can do such amazing things in your life, but they are so easy to forget when a new trial or challenge comes our way. So, that's my daily struggle.

Other than this issue, we are doing really well. Tomorrow my mom is taking Nicholas and me out for my birthday. It will be nice to spend the day with her, as well as get out of the house. I don’t know who is more excited, Nicholas or me?

Like A Fish

So, we had Nicholas signed up for swimming lessons in the spring, but due to maintenance to the city pool, they were cancelled. I wondered how he would do anyway. Would he even get in the pool? Well, yesterday we got to test those waters, literally. We went over my aunt and uncle’s house to swim. They have a pool, so we figured it would be a good chance for Nicholas to get comfortable with the water. Last year he was very apprehensive and never was fully comfortable. I think we’ve started to break down some of those barriers yesterday.

My cousin Jessica was able to get him in the water. He was a little nervous, but soon found his comfort zone. He was especially happy when they blew up a boat for him to sit in. We later put arm floaties and a vest on him, which gave him even more freedom. While he’s still not thrilled about going underwater, he definitely loved spending time in the pool.





We’ll be heading back there in a couple of weeks, so I’m sure he’ll get braver with each time. I do know that he had a good time. He told Evan and me how much fun he had the entire drive home.

Nicholas has been making me smile a lot lately. Here’s a conversation from today:

N: Mommy, I want to tell you something.
Me: Okay. What do you want to tell me?
N: I’m going on a trip. I’m going to the shopping mall. I’m going to Giant Eagle. I’m going to the store.

So, later I was telling this to Evan. Evan looked at Nicholas and asked him who was going with him.

N: I’m going all by myself. You (pointing to me and Evan) stay here.
Me: How are you going to get there?
N: I’m going to drive.
Me: Really? How old do you have to be to drive?
N: Not 16. Three!

That child has an excellent memory. He’s picking up on things so quickly. In fact, today he spelled his name for me several times. I didn’t even know he was close to learning how to spell it. When I write his name I try and say each letter out loud, but I’ve never really made him recite it.

We decided to be a little wild and crazy today on our walk and take a different route. I brought his stroller just in case he got a little tired. We walked all over the neighborhood for 45 minutes. There were a couple times that he wanted to sit and I got a work out pushing around my almost 40 pounder! I wondered if he would sleep a little longer during his nap today. I’m not sure when he woke up though because it was me who was out cold!

Well, we have an exciting week ahead. Why? Well, Friday is my birthday!!! I think Nicholas is as excited as I am because it really starts off the birthday season for our family. Here comes the cake . . .

Happy Father’s Day!

This is Evan’s first official U.S. Father’s Day. Last year he kind of celebrated it by the fact that he was with his son, but it just wasn’t the same. I’ve mentioned numerous times in my blog (and will continue to mention it) what a great father Evan is to Nicholas. He has been working so hard lately to take care of his family. On top of his new job, he just started his last class at school. I’m so proud of him for persevering through everything that has been thrown at him.

I’m thankful that he has loved Nicholas as his own from the first day he met him. Watching Evan spend time with our son is something that has always warmed my heart. Evan’s not afraid to be silly or wrestle with Nicholas. No matter what they do, they always seem to have a good time.

Nicholas loves his daddy very much too. In the last month he’s really learned how to tell him, “I love you, Daddy” and “I miss you, Daddy.” I know this has to mean the world to Evan after working a long, hard day. Nicholas is blessed to have such a wonderful, loving father. I know their relationship will continue to be close as Nicholas grows up. That is the desire of Evan’s heart.



I couldn’t end this blog without saying something about my dad as well. Besides my husband, this is the other person that I think the world about. He is not only a great father, but has become an excellent grandfather (or Poppy)as well. He actually gets on the floor and wrestles with Nicholas. He even lets Nicholas give him “the claw”. He makes Nicholas smile and laugh. I have a feeling that they will also have a strong relationship has Nicholas grows up.

I am so blessed to have so many great men in my life that love me and would do anything for me. And, I’m thankful that these same men are role models for my son. So, Happy Father’s Day! Thank you for being godly men in my life.

Family Day

On June 18, 2009, a judge issued a decree declaring us to be Nicholas’ parents. We would have to endure the 10-day waiting period before he could leave the baby home, but this is the date on the adoption certificate. June 18th is also the date that our post-placement report is due in Tomsk (It should be there!). There are many names that adoptive parents call this anniversary. A popular one is “Gotcha Day”. I don’t like the sound of that, so we’re calling it “Family Day”.

Standing outside the courthouse on June 18th, 2009

We really don’t have a lot of plans to celebrate it this year. Evan will work too late to go out to eat as a family. Also, Nicholas doesn’t really understand it yet. Some people buy enough souvenirs in the child’s birth country to give him/her a gift until he/she is 18. We didn’t do it that way. We just bought him a couple of things that he already has in his possession. To be honest, by the end of our 3rd trip, we weren’t really thinking about souvenirs. We just wanted to get home.

Today is a day for Evan and I to reflect on the day we became a family. I spent some time last night reading my blog entries from last year. There were some details that I had forgotten, but it did bring back a lot of old feelings. In fact, I kept reading my blog and stopped short of a few months ago. This blog may not have a huge readership, but it is a great memory book for us and someday for Nicholas.

This last year has been hard, but wonderful at the same time. He has definitely grown and changed in so many ways (so have I). I looked back and saw some of the early challenges we faced. I am happy to say that these are not issues for us anymore. I also looked back on a lot of the good times, the cute things he said, and how easily he has loved us. A lot of times people say that the adopted child is so lucky, but he has really blessed our lives by coming into our family. He is so special to us.

We love you, Nicholas. We thank God for making you a part of our family!

Boy Meets Ground

We didn’t really have this problem last year. I’m not sure how we escaped it, but we’re not getting away from it this year! My son is a solid boy. He’s not heavy. He’s just a tank! “The tank” is not really agile. I watch other kids hang from things or climb things with ease. Not Nicholas. He’ll just bowl you over, but probably accidentally. With that said, he trips easily. He’ll be walking or running and down he goes.



My favorite example was when he got his new shoes a couple of weeks ago at the mall. Each time he tried on a new pair, the lady at the store asked him to run to see how they felt. Well, once we picked out a pair and headed toward the mall exit, Nicholas decided to run again. “I’m running! I’m running!” He exclaimed. Then, splat! He was down on the ground. Falling down isn’t funny, but looking back it’s hard not to snicker when I think of his excitement and then all of a sudden he was on the ground.

Also, during the garage sale last week, he excitedly ran to see his Nana. I was on one side of the minivan going up the driveway and he was on the other. He was calling out for his Nana and then, he wasn’t. I looked at my mom and asked, “Did he go down?” Now, every time he sees her, he reminds her that he got that boo-boo at her house.

Today it happened again on our morning walk. We had barely left the house. He was holding my hand and talking. Then he was down! I think it made him feel a little better today when I told him that I had boo-boos on my knees when I was a little girl. In fact, I recall looking at one of my elementary school class pictures. I was placed in the front row with the biggest scrape on my knee. It was very attractive. I’m sure that didn’t stand out to everyone. ;)

But, so far, he’s just getting his knees scraped up. I’m hoping that is the extent of his injuries this year. He's a tough guy though, so I know he'll be fine.

It’s Out of My Hands

Well, the post placement report finally arrived yesterday afternoon. I don’t want to mention what date the postage said, but it wasn’t from last week. Anyway, my dad drove Nicholas and me downtown today and I am happy to report it is on its way to Children’s Hope – one day late. At this point, I don’t care. I’m just happy to be done with it. Only two reports left. Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about it until next year at this time.

Now onto something else . . . I wrote this post earlier this week, but I didn’t want to post it around my anniversary. We all have days where life is just frustrating. No one is immune to that feeling. So, what comes next is more of what God has been teaching me. I want to preface it by saying that I’m not depressed, just retrospective. So here it goes . . .

Lately it seems like God’s been trying to get my attention. Twice in one day He really spoke to me. See, I was wallowing in self pity again. It’s so easy to fall into that “Woe is me” trap. So, what I’m going to write next is a lot of what I’ve been processing. It’s as much for me as it is anyone else.

Do you feel like your life is in the crapper? Do you feel like nothing is going your way? Do you think if I only had (fill in the blank) I would be so much happier? If so, join the club. As we celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary I’ve looked back and thought to myself, “Boy, we’ve endured a lot of crap.” Not really what you want to think on your anniversary. Yes, I love my husband. Yes, we have a solid marriage. But, we’ve had some difficult trials – things that end marriages. Infertility is hard. It can be devastating. It can tear a couple apart. Job loss is extremely difficult. It can lead one to worry excessively and spiral into an emotional downturn. It can also tear a marriage apart. Throw in a difficult adoption, school, and life’s other ups and downs and it is easy to get depressed.

But, something I realized is that I don’t have to be depressed. I don’t have to let trials rule my life. During difficult times we often ask, “Where is God? Why isn’t He listening?” Well, the truth is He is right here. He didn’t move. You did. You’re the one not listening. I realized lately that I have been trying to tell God what should happen in my life. While I do pray and read my Bible, I am still struggling because I am not listening to Him. Maybe I’m afraid of what He’ll want me to do (that was the case when He first called me to adopt from Russia). Maybe I just think my way is better (I struggle with pride). But, I think the times where I feel the most down are when I am trying to do things my way.

I sit down and make lists, calculations, plans without consulting God. I’m smart. I’m logical. I can figure it out. I know what works. But, when my logical mind takes over I forget all that God has already done for me. I forget how He made me a mother to the most wonderful little boy I know (I’m biased). I forget how He has taken care of our finances when Evan was out of work. I forget how He paid for our adoption. I forget how He has blessed us with great family and friends. I don’t want to forget anymore.

I look back at all the trials we’ve had the last eight years and I really can’t think of too much I would change. I would never go back and wish that we had been fertile early on in our marriage. Infertility has taught us that we can weather trials; that our marriage can make it through the heartache. Infertility opened the door for us to become parents to Nicholas.

Evan’s job loss was devastating and ill-timed. But, it gave a chance for a father and son to bond and form a wonderful relationship. It helped a new mother have support while trying to figure out how to become an instant parent of a 2-year-old. I think it contributed to how well our son has adjusted. As nice as it would have been for him to be employed, I wouldn’t have traded that quality time for anything.

I just want to conclude by saying that I am not depressed or down in the dumps. I just think there comes a time our lives when God wants to refine us through the fires. The trials that Evan and I have faced have only made us stronger. Eight years later, I am surer than ever that Evan and I can handle anything that comes our way. I don’t want to go through life doing everything on my own or trying to figure everything out. I really want to seek God’s will. I want Him to do all the figuring. He wants a personal relationship with each of us. We’re the ones that are too busy, self-centered, angry, tired, etc. to reciprocate. What are we missing out on? What awesome plans does He have for us that our own minds (even the logical ones) can’t comprehend? These are the things I’m processing. I know one thing – I really want to find out what He has in store for my life.

Summer School?

Last month I mentioned how Nicholas had completed his first year of preschool. Now here I am mentioning summer school? Am I some kind of taskmaster? I mean, the kid is only 3. Well, during the summer I thought that Nicholas and I could do some fun activities that would get him ready for the coming school year. Nothing too stressful for either of us.

First, I have him coloring a picture of a different number each week. Then he does a worksheet where he has to count the groups of objects and circle the group that has the number of that particular week. When he completes it he gets a sticker.

We spend a couple of days a week on cutting practice. He is learning how to use the scissors to follow the lines. The book that I am using gets progressively harder each time. He loves doing this activity, so I am also teaching him about rationing so we don’t complete the book in a day or two.

I also have a tracing book, which gives him a chance to hold a pencil, make different types of lines, and follow the directions. I actually got a “Yay! Yippee!” when I pulled the book out today, which shows that he really doesn’t think of this as work, but fun.

Finally, we have a Bible verse a week. Usually, I start out with him repeating after me one or two words. Today I realized that when broken up like that some of the words take on a different meaning. We are working on 1 John 3:18 this week. It says, “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth.” Every time I say “but with” he points to his bottom and giggles. He’ll also stick out his tongue when we get to that part in the verse. I make sure to explain what each verse means and then I’ll ask him about it throughout the week. Not only does he hide God’s word in his heart, but I think it helps him with his vocabulary and speech.

I really enjoy watching his progress as we do school together. I love to see when he accomplishes something that has been a challenge for him. I also love it when he grasps concepts quickly. It is a joy for me to homeschool him.

Finally, in post placement report news . . . Still not here. We still can’t get a hold of our home study agency. I’m still frustrated. And, I want to know why it has taken over four days for a document to get from one part of the state to another via the mail. We’ll see what happens tomorrow.

A Day at the Zoo

This was Nicholas’ 2nd trip to the zoo since he has been home. He went last summer, but this was his first time as a three year old. I think he was a little more interested than last time. It was hard for him to enjoy the animals though unless they were big and right in front of his face. He didn’t want to have to search for sleeping animals huddled in the corner or hidden in the trees. Thankfully, we got to see a couple up close. A few of the giraffes were nice enough to come close to the crowds to eat their lunch. Also, a wolf and leopard walked by a couple of times enabling Nicholas to get a good look.









However, there were a couple of “attractions” that caught Nicholas’ attention a lot longer than others.




Yes, he watched intently as the men worked on the new exhibits. He probably would have stood there a lot longer than he did, but we wanted to move along after a few minutes. My child is all-boy and construction equipment is one of the most exciting things to him. They’re doing some major roadwork less than ten minutes from our house. I was thinking that maybe we should take our lawn chairs and hang out for a few hours. I bet that would be the longest I ever got him to sit.

But, I still think he enjoyed the zoo. We did a lot of walking, which resulted in an almost three hour nap! Between the walking and lifting up Nicholas, I too felt like I had a workout today.

In other news, our home study agency is showing us how inefficient (the nicest word I could think of) they are again. I was supposed to have the post-placement report in my hands no later than today. Of course, it is not here and I cannot get a hold of her. I notified our adoption agency of the problem, so this wouldn’t be counted against us. I’m tired of having to hound them every time something is due. It will work out if it comes tomorrow. I just feel bad because they’re inconveniencing a lot more people than just Evan and me. My dad has volunteered to take me downtown to get the apostille and worked his work schedule around it. While he always works things out for us, I wish things could just go as planned. Anyway . . . I wish I could say I feel better now that I vented, but I much prefer to have the report in hand. Don’t get me started if it comes and has errors in it. Okay. I’m done now.

Well, we’re waiting on Evan to come home, so we can share with him about our day. Also, I’m looking forward to watching him take an anniversary snooze on the couch.

Anniversary

Tomorrow begins a lot of anniversaries for us (most include our new life with Nicholas). First and foremost, it is our wedding anniversary. And, like most of our other wedding anniversaries, we probably won’t get to celebrate it by going anywhere. With Evan’s long hours, we’ll probably just enjoy it by sitting next to each other on the couch, half asleep, watching the t.v.

Last year our anniversary was a lot different. We spent the day flying over to Russia. We were definitely ready to go back, but we still were not 100% certain that we would return with Nicholas. We spent almost the entire month of June in Russia last year. This year it will be nice to be home.

We were extremely busy last week, but I think it helped pass the time until Evan got home (most of the time after 7:00). On Wednesday we got Nicholas’ picture taken. We had a great photographer who really got Nicholas to do some great poses, including lying on the floor while resting his head on his hands. We were a little worried when we first came in though because Nicholas, who was enthusiastic about getting his pictures taken, soon became hesitant when he saw a toddler boy crying as the photographer was trying to coax him to come back. With a little encouragement (and possibly bribery) Nicholas kindly obliged.

Thursday and Friday was the garage sale. Nicholas did better than expected. He took a lot of walks with a different adult each time. On Thursday we left for his nap for a little bit, but Friday he went without a nap. He only had a couple snarky moments and fell right to sleep that night.

Yesterday Evan only worked for five hours, so Nicholas had some quality time with his dad after they both took their naps. We also visited his G.G. (great-grandma) and had pizza with her, which I think everyone enjoyed. In fact, Nicholas enjoyed it so much that he didn’t want to leave.

And, today was church. Nicholas went to his class for the first hour and stayed in our class the second hour. I think this worked out well. He was actually a big help to me while I was teaching the lesson. A lot of the 2-year olds just look at me like I’m crazy, but Nicholas actually answered my questions. He also played well with the other kids. At one point, he was sitting in a toy rocking chair with one of the boys in his lap. Also, as I was trying to teach the lesson, some of the boys started banging on the table. Nicholas looked at them and said, “Quiet. It’s time to listen.” I was so proud of my son. Then, he decided that banging on the table actually looked kind of fun and joined in.

Tonight we’re back to church for our membership class. We’ll be attending class on Sunday nights for the month of June. I have a feeling Nicholas will crash when we get home tonight.

Here’s a couple from earlier this week. Nicholas and I brought some new “friends” on our walk around the block. Then they came inside to watch a movie. These are the first stuffed animals that he’s really shown an interest in since last summer when he loved his bear, Misha.





We're off to the zoo tomorrow. I should have plenty of pictures to post then.

Back From the Brink

I thought I was going to die! Since Wednesday afternoon, I had no Internet, with exception of about five scattered hours, until this afternoon when I got home from the dentist. I understand that I had a dependency problem, but I didn’t sign up for the detox that I just received. But, we’re back in business and I feel like I’m behind in so many ways.

We did have a nice weekend though. Evan did not have to work, so he rested up for another long week. We also decided to introduce Nicholas to the sprinkler. While he was hesitant at first, he warmed up to it. And, just so you can see that I can have fun too, I added some pics of me getting in on the fun.









I had the car today and it was nice to have some freedom. Granted, I just had to go to the dentist, but it was something. I’m also happy to report that I continue to be cavity-free.

I’m also excited because I just got an e-mail from the host of my Bible study that I signed up for at church. So, for 2 hours a week for 8 weeks, I will be out of the house and talking with other adults. Thankfully, it is located at a house just minutes from my own. I could walk there if I really wanted to do so. The key word is “wanted” though. All the other times that small group Bible studies were offered, I haven’t been able to sign up for one reason or another. Thanks to my mom’s generosity by offering to watch Nicholas, I have that freedom to go.

Nicholas is handling the fact that Evan goes to work every day pretty well. In fact, this weekend Evan woke him up instead of me in the morning. He looked at Evan and said, “You’re really here?” Unfortunately, Evan’s hours don’t give them quite as much time together. But, we know this is just for a season. Evan’s doing what he’s got to do.

Well, I have a lot of catching up to do. I hope everyone had a great Memorial Weekend. I'm going to close with a pic of my All-American Boy.