Puzzling

Sitting in Nicholas’ bedroom are our two suitcases for our trip. Since we have returned from our second trip, I have rearranged Nicholas’ clothes several times, swapping out sizes and adding more winter gear. Now it looks like I’ll be swapping everything with spring clothes.

Our case is going to the Supreme Court, but this one is located in Moscow. The court scheduled our court case two weeks ago, but we could not attend. The court then re-scheduled the court date for TWO days later! Since we could not make that in time, they shelved our case. According to the law, if the party does not appear for two scheduled dates then the case can be shelved. So, this week Sergei filed an appeal with the Supreme Court arguing that it was not humanly possible for us to make it to Russia with two days notice. I have no idea what this entails or how long it will take. I just know that we do not have to appear in court for it. I am guessing that if the Supreme Court rules in our favor then it will be re-opened in Tomsk. That should give Uzbekistan plenty of time to send Tomsk the paperwork. I am hoping to get more information on the process, but we all know how that goes . . .

Anyway, on Monday I went to Target and ended up buying a puzzle. I enjoy working on puzzles, but do not do it often enough. I have the time and it is a great way for me to de-stress. I also enjoy the challenge and feel a sense of accomplishment when I finally complete the puzzle.

This morning a wonderful analogy popped into my head that really shows what this adoption is like for us – one big puzzle. Like a puzzle just out of the box, we can’t always see what is going on. Nothing makes sense. But slowly the pieces start to come together and we begin to see the bigger picture.

There are times where it seems like we are stalled or stumped; there are gaping holes in the puzzle. All the pieces are there, but we aren’t sure how they fit. But, when that last piece is put in, we’ll finally see how everything works together to form a picture.

Right now I see some major holes in my adoption “puzzle”. It seems like none of the pieces are fitting right now. At times, Satan tries to steal my joy just like Gabby when she tries to steal one of my puzzle pieces. It is hard to be patient. It is hard not to get frustrated.

I can’t wait to see the big picture though. I can’t wait until Nicholas is home! But for now, I have to trust that these “pieces” will fit together. I guess I am starting to see that God felt I could handle the 1000 pieces puzzle rather than the child’s puzzle I’d prefer right now.

Okay, enough of the puzzle analogy. I was having way too much fun with it. It just encourages me to know that while I can’t see or understand why all of this is happening, it isn’t all for nothing. Just know that when I look at the person I am now compared to who I was 18 months ago, I like THIS Kristin so much better. This trial has not left me without hope. If anything, it has increased my endurance for future trials.

I am hoping that in the coming weeks we will be able to have more information and possibly an idea about our return trip. But for now, back to the puzzle!

Kristin

I Think I Need a Kitten

Let me tell you a little “family” history. After a year of trying to conceive, it was really weighing on me. Evan and I were out and about when we decided to walk into a local pet store to look at the kittens and puppies. There were several cute kittens there that day and we asked if we could each hold one. We had no intention of bringing one home, but one little kitten captured my heart. Isabella came home that day becoming my first “baby”.

Almost exactly two years later we were in a pet store looking for a new toy for Isabella when we saw several kittens waiting for homes. They were siblings whose mother was killed by a car. I just had to hold them and play with them. I begged Evan to let me have another kitten. We were now three years into trying to have a child and earlier in the year we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. That day in particular, I was having a horrible day dealing with it. I eventually wore Evan down and found a nice, mild gray kitten with white paws. But, Evan liked the all gray cat with lots of energy and spunk! This time we went with Evan’s choice and Isabella gained a new sister, Gabby. Needless to say, she wasn’t too thrilled with the “toy” we had brought home for her.

I always thought it was strange when people treated their pets as “children”. Now I can see how Isabella and Gabby helped sustain me during these tough years. They lay on me and purr. Gabby wakes me up in the morning. And, Isabella lets me know when Gabby is getting into trouble (she still has a lot of spunk). Most of all, when I cry because the pain is too much to bear, they both will lick my tears away.

As this process gets harder, I’m tempted to continue to fill the void with other things – like another kitten. First, there is no way that Evan will let that happen again. Second, I’m learning to trust God more and more each day, even when things do not make sense. We have received some news today that has been troubling and confusing. We are supposed to hear more details tomorrow. All I know is that this adoption could be another month or two or longer. But, it is another chance to give it up to God. Yes, it hurts extremely badly – so badly that I could be at the pet store right now, since Evan isn’t home yet. ;) I see the problems with the process. I don’t understand everything. Time and time again I have had to admit that I am not in control! Sometimes I have to tell myself that over and over again, until I finally realize it.

I’m not “strong” at all. But, I do believe that God has given me His strength to endure this process. I will ask that you continue to pray for this situation, even if you don’t have all of the details. I’d share them, but they are too confusing right now. I’ll try to update with some information in the next day or two with what we find out.

Now it’s time for me to go find the “girls”. If only I could get them to stop running from me. :)

Kristin

What A Week!

I have never been so frustrated, yet so peaceful at the same time. It is a weird dichotomy. We are encountering all these headaches, but yet I know they will work out. Some of our documents have been sent to St. Louis already. Others are in the hands of the right people or waiting to get in the hands of the right people after the other right people get them back to us (confusing, but a lot of things are interconnected). It will be such a relief when all of this is over. I was not able to go to Columbus this week, so I tried calling a different number to see if I could get this stupid unemployment letter. Apparently, this branch can’t do it either. So, Evan and I are trying to work out our schedules so I can go in person. If that doesn’t work, I’m going to have to be creative.

Yesterday we had to get blood drawn for our updated medical forms. I’m not a big fan of needles, so I wasn’t looking forward to it. Our doctor’s office does have a great phlebotomist though, so it usually isn’t as traumatic as my thoughts make it out to be. I was a little nervous though when the nurse told us that the other lady was busy, so she would be drawing our blood. She had trouble finding a good vein and getting any blood into the vial. After two painful tries, she moved onto Evan and decided to wait on her more experienced counterpart, which led to success! I have three bruises to show for it, but we have another step to check off our list.

Then we got a wonderful Valentine’s gift from the FBI. Our fingerprints came back and they were both accepted!!! This brings me much relief. I hope as far as Nicholas’ adoption is concerned that we are done being fingerprinted!

Speaking of Valentine’s Day, I had a pretty good one. Evan and I are pretty low-key and don’t do anything too extravagant. We went out to lunch and then had dinner at home. And, he got me just what I wanted – chocolate! I’m not really into flowers or spending a lot of money for that matter. He got me just what I wanted!

I hope everyone else had a Happy Valentine’s Day. Hopefully, something exciting happens this week, so this blog doesn’t get too boring.

Kristin

The Race Begins

I’m not sure whether we are running a marathon or a sprinting, but we’re racing to get all of our paperwork done. As much as I have liked paperwork in the past, it is kind of a pain to have to do the same paperwork over and over. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was just stuff that Evan and I had to sign, but it involves so many people. So, we have to rely on others to get a lot of things done, which I have to admit, is hard for me. I’m sure it is a control thing again. I have to let the paperwork leave my hands and hope that it is filled out according to my instructions. It always works out, but I prefer not to have some of the headaches that lead to the end result.

I won’t bore you with the details, but the paperwork is moving. Some of it is already in our hands and some of it is in progress. We do have a small issue with trying to get a letter from the State of Ohio regarding my unemployment. The lady I spoke to on the phone acted like I was actually speaking in Russian. I couldn’t get her to understand what I want. So, I think I may have to go to Columbus and speak to someone in person. Right now Leslie has the rough draft of the letter I wrote. Once I get her approval, then we’ll make a special trip to the Unemployment Office.

I have another prayer request. We really need our adoption to be protected. What I mean is that there are so many factors that can affect this adoption. Yes, we have the Russian issues, but now we have issues here in Ohio. So many people are losing their jobs in this economy. We cannot afford to have Evan lose his too. Evan’s boss said something yesterday that made us a little nervous. We’re not sure if he was just overly concerned about this issue in their company or if it is a legitimate concern. Needless to say, we’re being proactive. No income = no Nicholas. So, please pray that Evan’s company can work out this issue.

Yesterday I was really feeling the stress of the last year and a half. I’m a pretty deep thinker, which gets me into a world of trouble sometimes. I got to the point where my thoughts were spiraling out of control, so I stopped and prayed. I asked God to defy my logic. I have a bad habit of limiting God and thinking that he can only do what mind sees as rational and logical. So, I asked God to shock me. It was more of a prayer asking him to help me with my close-mindedness. Help me in my unbelief. Help me to see that He is not limited to my human understanding. God has already taken me to places I never thought I would be. He has taken care of us so far. Why do I continue to doubt?

So, that is where I am at right now - struggling more than I ever have, yet growing stronger as well.

Kristin