I cannot stand this laptop! I remember why we went and bought a new one. It’s hard to get anything accomplished when it shuts down without notice. The good news is that my newer laptop should be in any day for me to pick up. They fixed the graphics, but also found a faulty battery. Do you realize that I just bought that laptop in April? They sure do make quality these days. But, everything was obviously under warranty, so the only thing lost was my sanity from using this current laptop.
It’s hard to remember everything that has happened in the last week and a half. I know we’ve done a lot, but I can’t remember specifics. One thing that I wish I could forget was the rough time I had earlier this week. I managed to quickly type out my feelings.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” – Matthew 6:25-27
Worry is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. And, I’m getting kind of sick of it. I can think about things over and over for days. I can try and figure things out. I can tell God what I think the solution or outcome should be.
I can also make myself physically ill by worrying. I can have trouble sleeping because my mind won’t shut off. I can make myself so anxious that I can feel it. My thoughts will be so consumed with the negative that I can’t remember Truth.
I know this is an area of my life that I will have to consciously battle. But, I can choose to make worry an idol and let my anxious thoughts win or I can give them over to God. I can dwell on what could happen or I can rest knowing that my times are in God’s hands.
I have certain areas of life where I tend to worry more than others. It’s the areas of my life that I feel I’m always behind in or never change. I forget the blessings I have. I forgot how God carried me through these areas before.
So, for my sake and my sanity, I created a list of areas where God has taken care of me and my family.
- It worked out that we were able to buy this house and have a mortgage that was reasonable.
- We completed Nicholas’ adoption debt free
- We got through unemployment with the ability to pay our bills and still have savings
- Evan finished school a week before he started his current job.
- We were able to pay cash for his entire degree!
- Evan’s medical benefits started a month before our C*bra payments were about to triple.
- We were given a second car for free
There is much more to this list that I could add, but you can see that money has been my idol as of late. I mentioned in my financial series that I worry about money. Even though I am a good money handler, and even though we always have enough, I often look to it for security.
It’s so stupid because all money is God’s money. It could be gone tomorrow. But, God will not be. We are so blessed. It’s hard to not compare yourself to others in the world that seem to have so much more. But, we really can’t know someone else’s situation. We don’t know who is drowning in debt as they drive by in their new car. We don’t know if those people are truly happy. It’s just stuff anyway.
My greatest struggle is all the things I want to do with my savings account. If things are not happening like I want, I get frustrated. Then I try to figure out how I can fix it or make it happen. I then put stress on myself and others. See, Evan hasn’t had as many hours of overtime in the last few weeks. Instead of enjoying some extra time with my husband, I’ve made myself sick with worry as I wondered if the overtime would pick up.
I’ve realized that nothing productive comes out of worry. All you get is being over-tired, angry, frustrated, fearful, nauseous and anxious. Sounds like a bundle of fun. After letting myself get so full of worry and anxiety on Monday, I knew that I couldn’t start Tuesday in the same way. I got ready for the day and purposely made myself smile. I could feel the anxiety start to well up in me, so I sat on my bed and did something I should have done from the beginning. I started to recite verses from the Bible. First, I recited all the ones that I knew about worry and fear. Then I just recited every verse that came to my mind. I really experienced God’s peace.
I know the battle will continue. Satan doesn’t like to see us victorious over any areas of our life. This is an area he knows I am weak. But, I’m going to have my arsenal this time – God’s word. I’m ready to fight. I’m sick of being sick from worry.
Is there some area of your life that is your idol? Is something out of balance? Can you feel it physically? Are you scared? Angry? Bitter? Resentful? Don’t keep walking in it. Let God help you fight that battle.
I want to thank my parents for having my sister and I listen to Bible verses set to music as children. Many of those verses popped in my head Monday morning. I have Nicholas listen to Bible verses as well because I want him to be able to hide them in his heart. Here are some resources for those that have kids (or adults that want to enjoy them too).
G.T. and the Halo Express (this is straight Bible verses set to song with a storyline in between songs)
Psalty the Singing Songbook (Some Bible verses, but mainly just songs based on Biblical principles)
Seeds Family Worship (We are listening to these now. Even adults can enjoy these songs)
In conclusion, worry is just plain stupid. After making myself so upset, Evan had almost 8 hours of overtime in 2 days. Also, our long-awaited adoption credit tax refund should be arriving early next week after submitting our return in February. But, even if things did not change, I need to remember that God is in control. No amount of worrying is going to make anything better.
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