How to Diffuse a Meltdown

After swimming lessons this morning, Nicholas and I dropped off Evan at church for a meeting. We decided to kill some time by heading to a couple of stores. Nicholas did a fairly good job listening to me in the first store. The second store he began to feel a little more independent and was not staying as close to me. We had an agreement that we would buy chocolate milk, if he listened to me. I gave him a couple warnings, but he listened well enough.

We purchased the chocolate milk at the café before heading to the front check out. Nicholas was fine until we stepped up to the register. He asked me if he could look at something. I said fine, but stay right by me. He decided not to and walked away. I told him to come back. He argued with me, and I promptly took away his chocolate milk.

N: That’s mine! My chocolate milk!

Me: I told you that you could have it if you listened well. You are not listening well right now.

N: My chocolate milk!

Begin meltdown. We headed to the car. I acted if there was no screaming and crying child by my side. I put him in his car seat and headed around to my seat as he continued to cry.

Here’s the key to diffusing a meltdown properly: Don’t give the kid the chocolate milk just because he’s upset. The battle would be over, but you would lose.

So, he didn’t get the chocolate milk. I reminded him again why he lost it and then headed back to the church to pick up Evan. I popped in Nicholas’ CD and cranked it up enough that he knew I was trying to not listen to his crying. He tried to cry harder and louder. I just started singing and ignored him.

Halfway there, I came up with another idea.

Me: Nicholas, you’re doing a great job singing.

N: I’m not singing! I’m crying!

Me: No, it sounds like singing to me. Keep it up. You’re doing great!

N: I’m crying!

Me: Great singing.

N: I want my chocolate milk!  You hurt my feelings.

Me: Nicholas, I told you that you could have chocolate milk if you listened. You chose not to obey. The only one that hurt your feelings is Nicholas.


I kept on driving and singing as we pulled into the church parking lot. I parked the car and turned around and looked at him. I took out my cell phone and used it as a microphone and began to sing to him. He was mad at first, but after a few minutes I saw a smile start to crack. Then I gave him the scraper, so he could have a microphone too.

If anyone had walked out in the parking lot, they would have seen us fully rocking out to Psalty the Singing Songbook. Nicholas was no longer crying. I was having fun. Meltdown diffused.

Did Nicholas ever get his chocolate milk? Nope. Call me what you will, but he needed to understand that there are consequences to not listening. He did apologize to me once we got home and understood what he did wrong.  I will tell you one thing though – that chocolate milk sure did taste good!