So, I’m good at saving. I seem to have all of our finances in order, for the most part. But, I have a huge area that I need to change – my heart. Money, specifically, Evan’s overtime, has become my idol. Evan’s overtime is my part-time job. We have a set (reasonable) amount we would like him to average each paycheck. He hits it or exceeds it more times than not. But, I can get myself worked into a frenzy if he doesn’t meet our “quota”.
After having God take care of all our needs time and time again, I still worry. This has nothing to do with Evan needing to work more. This has nothing to do with me needing a job. We have enough money. It’s almost like I get greedy. I want to stockpile as much money as I can to gain some false sense of security. I really have come to realize lately that I have put my trust more in Evan’s overtime than in God. That is a huge area that needs to change.
Second, I hate when big bills are due even when we have saved the money. This goes hand-in-hand with my first issue. We save for our car insurance. The money is in our savings and allocated for it, but I hate writing that check. I like to see my savings account grow. I don’t like when money leaves. It’s greedy, on my part. It’s a part of life to have to pay bills, or for unexpected situations to arise. That’s why you plan for it.
Ironically, the cry of my heart is to give a lot of money away. If I don’t work through my heart issues then that dream won’t really work. I want to give to those in need. I want to support ministries and missionaries. I want to bless my children and grandchildren like we have been blessed. My parents always taught us about having an “open hand” in life. You have to let things go and give them to God.
So, instead of clenching my fists every time a fear or worry comes my way, I am going to have to consciously open my hand. The goal is to live within your means, give, save, and spend within reason. Matthew 6:24 says, “’No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.’” There needs to be a healthy balance. I need to be responsible for how I handle my money, but I am not to dwell on it to the point where I put it before God. If we are being good stewards of our money, then we have to trust that God will take care of us. Worry shouldn’t be an option when I know that God is in control.
I’m not saying that it is wrong to have lots of money. I’m saying it is wrong to think about it all the time. I think it is wrong to get upset over every check that is written, even though you have the money. If all money is God’s money, then we have to think about how He would want us to handle it.
I never wanted to write this to act like I have it all together. I’ve gone over budget before. I’ve wondered where the money would come from at times (like when Evan’s unemployment went on and on). I feel like I needed to write this series to not only help others, but remind myself of money’s place in my own life. It is important, but does not need to be a constant worry and a source of anxiety, if I am a good steward of it. I’m still learning and am constantly convicted. I hope one day that my hand will remain open as a natural reflex rather than a daily struggle.
If you missed it . . . Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4.
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